The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
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I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
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woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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