apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
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There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
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Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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