I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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