Jerry, you need to find god
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize