I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
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Found your dick twin last night
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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