I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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