He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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