We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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