I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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