So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
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this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
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Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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