i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize