cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
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I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
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Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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