I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My ATM looks so different sober.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
My apartment stinks of burning failure
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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