It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
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I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
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Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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