Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
It's rum buckets o'clock
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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