I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize