dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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