Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize