loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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