just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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