just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
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All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
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Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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