my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
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There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
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If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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