Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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