It's Friday. Sex?
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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