oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
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Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
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I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
my poor anus
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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