Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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