I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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