I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
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I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
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I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize