we have officially lost it.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
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I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
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You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize