is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Found your dick twin last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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