how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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