please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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