Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
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the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
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Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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