i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize