I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
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It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
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I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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