WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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