I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
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