my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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