I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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