You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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