How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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