haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
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The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
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What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
is it fun? or sober?
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