I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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