im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
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matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
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