so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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