cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize