I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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