Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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