Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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