Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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